Everybody needs a friend who will stand by them.

We're all different; but beautiful in our own way.

Some days, we're going to butt heads with each other.

Most of us are a little too nosy for our own good.

If we used our ears to listen twice as much as we talked, things would be remarkably different.

When we try to be king of the hill, often we end up lonely.

Family & friends: It's what we all really desire - to be with the ones we love.

After walking the road 40 something (ah, hem) years, I feel like I am finally walking the road with eyes wide open.  Over the last year, I see things and literally feel my eyes taking a snapshot, burning the image in my memory.  Often, what I see is breathtaking.  It is the simple things that bring me so much joy.

. . . like Carly coloring with crayons

. . . or these guys greeting us every morning

. . . fresh cinnamon rolls rising in the sunshine

. . . or walking outside in my pjs and not caring if anybody sees me – hardly breathtaking, but a blessing all the same!  (Do you wear boots with your pjs?  I have friends that do!)

Other times, what I see is heartbreaking.  Like watching my husband feed his mother, who has Alzheimer’s.  What a humbling moment.  I will never forget that image.  When I saw that for the first time last year, it was like a bad dream – the image was burned into my memory.  I could hardly watch.  I didn’t want to accept what was really happening.  I didn’t like God’s plan.

I heard Beth Moore say this yesterday morning – “What changes us most in life are the biggest struggles we have with God.  Wrestle with God, and don’t let go until you see the blessing.”  I realize that after a long time, God is helping me to see the blessing – all His blessings.  It’s been a long journey.  Even though it grieves me deeply to lose my mother-in-law, it comforts me to see Noah care for his mother.  It’s gives me a glimpse of how he will care for me in the years to come.

Even though I haven’t always chosen to see things with eyes wide open – as they really are, God has been faithful to keep sending his blessings. I just have to hold on until I see them.  Sometimes it’s hard.

Don’t let go; hold on until you see the blessing.

We’re learning how to grow a lot of our food.  My Dad is a master gardener and has planted a big garden for years.  There is plenty of land to plant on around here and our whole family (2 brothers and 2 sisters plus my parents) joins together in the work.  I just love the group effort!  My Mom taught me how to can last summer.  I canned over 200 jars – salsa, tomatoes, tomato sauce, pickles, green beans, wild blackberry syrup, & strawberry jam. We are definitely enjoying the fruits of our labor from last summer.

I’m learning that true abundance comes when I strive to keep my priorities in order – on a daily basis.  I want to be a true follower of Christ, honor my husband, value my family, and teach my children and grandchildren about the God that loves them unconditionally.  I love my family so much! I am learning what walking with God daily really means.

I plan to share our pursuit of a simpler life through this blog.  I also have a passion for healthy marriage and family relationships so I would love to share any wisdom that comes my way to help you in those areas from time to time.

Here are some our pictures from 2010:

In today’s world, chaotic lifestyles have become the norm – rushing to work, rushing to pick up the kids, rushing home, rushing to the next practice, rushing through the drive thru, rushing to do homework, and on and on and on.  It makes me tired just thinking about it.  If we want to live without regrets later, we have to prioritize what is really important, and make some needed changes.

In marriage, we must make our spouse high priority – God first, spouse second, children third.  How we spend our time communicates our priorities.  We can’t say “You are the most important thing in my life” and then spend 60+ hours a week at work, the mall, sporting events, church activities, etc.  Do you ever feel jealous toward your spouse’s time with other things?  Jealousy is caused by anything that takes priority over our relationship.  With husbands, it tends to be work and with wives, it tends to be the children.  We get caught up in the rat race of “getting everything done” and “doing what everyone else does.”  Before long, our marriage is in a rut and our family is in jeopardy because of good things that have gotten out of priority.

Some ways we can prove our priorities in real terms:

1)  Sacrifice – What will you give up for your spouse, children, and other important relationships?  (Remember how we spend our time truly communicates our priorities.)

2)  Time – We can’t build relationships beyond the time we are willing to put into them.  (How much time do you actually spend each week?)

3)  Energy – We only have so much to use.  (List your priorities and decide how you will spend your energy according to what is most important.)

So, how do you spend your time?  What will you want around you at the end of your life?  Most of us will want to be surrounded by our family.  The good news is you can have it today.  Surround yourself with what is most important to you now – and make those who are most important to you a priority.

Boundaries are so important in marriage.  Most people who have an affair don’t plan to.  More importantly, we need to plan not to.  There are simple rules you can agree upon with your spouse to establish healthy boundaries and protect your marriage. These come from a message about boundaries from Andy Stanley.

1)  Don’t chat online with members of the opposite sex.  This includes social networking.  (It may seem innocent, but remember affairs begin with conversation.)
2)  Don’t have lunch or dinner alone with members of the opposite sex.
3)  Don’t ride in the car alone with members of the opposite sex.  (Tell your boss, co-worker, or client about your agreement and drive separately.  They will respect you for it!)
4)  Avoid pornography and clubs.  They are NOT neutral forms of entertainment; they are pathways to a road you don’t want to be on.
5)  Don’t confide in a member of the opposite sex about your personal problems; nor allow someone else of the opposite sex to confide in you about theirs.

Do these rules seem extreme to you?  How far do you want your spouse to go to protect themselves from temptation?  How far do you want your spouse to go to protect your marriage?  You’ll never be sorry you established healthy boundaries – and guarded the gate of your marriage.

Looking for some great resources to improve your marriage?  If you are struggling or think it is hopeless, it’s not.  Your marriage  can be turned around and be stronger than ever – no matter what is in the past.

Email marriedforlife@embarqmail.com for more information.  All contacts are confidential.

Let me recommend some great resources by Jimmy Evans.

Marriage On The Rock – If you are struggling to keep it together or want to make a good marriage great, this resource is the best investment you will ever make in your marriage.

The Emotionally Healthy Marriage – If you struggle with issues from the past – family or past relationships, this resource will help you understand how those issues are sabotaging your happiness.

These resources are available for less than $20 through Amazon.com.  If you are struggling financially, I will send them to you for free.

There are many great resources available to help you soar in your marriage and family relationships.  I would love to recommend others on parenting, finances, time management, simplifying your life, etc.   Let me know how I can help.

Date Night is the key to keeping romance alive in your relationship.  Don’t discount it or think it’s not important.  Practicing this very simple habit can revolutionize your relationship!

It’s simple.  Plan a date night at least twice a month.  Take turns planning the night.  When it’s your turn, plan with your spouse’s interests in mind . . . and guys, even take care of getting the babysitter.  You will get big points for that.

When you plan your time with your spouse’s interests in mind, you are showing them your selfless, sacrificial love.  Guys, women love that and you will reaps the rewards.  To put it in plain terms,  Sacrificial love = Sex.  But don’t forget, women need non-sexual affection.  That is affection without expectation – tricky, isn’t it?  I think this is why men say they will never figure women out.  Just be sure to include his/ her interests when it’s your turn.  That means, his / her favorite food, movie, sport, etc.  Ladies, remember to let him plan the night when it’s his turn.  We have control issues and we need to create the gap and allow him to lead.  It’s one of our deepest desires, but we sabotage our own prayers by trying to be in control.  So, step back and enjoy watching your husband take the lead.

I loved this recent Tweet from Rick Warren:

“Enjoy life with your wife,whom u love”  Eccl 9:9 If there was more courting in marriage, there’d be fewer marriages in court.

So, go ahead.  Initiate planning a date night this week. If you think it is hopeless and dumb, you are being deceived.  It will fine tune your marriage and make it run like a  well oiled machine.  And dating is fun!  It is how you fell in love, right?  (That’s the point.)

I’ve been trying my best to start my days spending time with God, reading His word through the One Year Bible, and reflecting on how I should apply it to my life right now.  I’ve been focusing on my husband, meeting his needs, and trying to be the wife that God has asked me to be.  I am trying to be there for my children – I have three, two who are already married.  I have a precious granddaughter, 2o months old, who is growing up fast.  Cultivating family relationships gets challenging, at times, with us living in three households and in two different cities.

I can’t explain the peace God has brought to me in the last few weeks.  I am realizing that when I do what God has asked me to do, I can experience His true peace.  He has given me alot and I have taken alot for granted.  I am realizing that when I focus on true love, I find true peace.  What does true love look like?

Read 1 Corinthians 13.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.

I encourage you to love like today is your last day.  It may be . . .

From the book by Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages, these are the five primary love languages:

1)  Words of Affirmation – Verbal appreciation, encouragement, compliments, & affirmation of tasks.  Critical, demanding words are devastating.
2)  Quality Time – Time spent together that includes undivided attention (without the TV), uninterrupted quality conversation and sympathetic listening, taking a long walk, participating with your spouse in things he/she chooses to do, etc.  Scheduling time together is critical.
3)  Receiving Gifts – Outward expression of things.  It doesn’t matter if the gift costs money – i.e. a flower picked out of the yard expresses “He was thinking of me.”  Appreciates tokens as visual symbols of experiences together, i.e. souvenirs, cards, flowers, etc.  It doesn’t matter if it is a special occasion – actually better, when it’s not.  Although forgetting special occasions can be devastating.
4)  Acts of Service – Cooking a meal, vacuuming, cleaning, grocery shopping, landscaping, painting, etc.  Doing these tasks without being asked and with a positive spirit is a deep expression of love.
5)  Physical Touch – Physical closeness; holding hands, kissing, hugging, sexual intercourse.  A tender hug shouts love in this love language.  To touch the body is to be touched emotionally.  Physical withdrawal is devastating.

All five love languages are important, but we have a primary and secondary need to be shown love.  In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse?  Your method of expressing love may be an indication of what would also make you feel loved.  What have you most often requested of your spouse?  The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.  The challenge is by instinct, we use our own love language to communicate love to others.  It takes special effort to learn our spouse’s love language and intentionally love them through what speaks love to them most.

So, what is your love language?  More importantly, what is your spouse’s love language?

There are easy ways to find out.  Go to www.fivelovelanguages.com and take the quiz online.  Ask your spouse to take the test, as well.

Then, be intentional to love your spouse in their love language.  It will fill the “love tank”!

And most of all, remember, all points expire at midnight!